Change is for the Birds

I don't like changes.

Not at all.

But not all change. The kind when you get attached to people or environments and it all the sudden comes to an end.

I was the kid who hated when youth camp was over. The feelings of emptiness soon arrived when the people I spent the week bonding with went back to their normal everyday routines. It took me a couple weeks to get adjusted to normal life again.

In college, I always tried to be the first one to leave on long breaks. I did not like to see my friends leave me behind in my once full, but now empty college dorm room.

I don't even like it when characters from my favorite shows die off or leave. It leaves a little void in my heart.

I cried on and off for a week after my mom left Chicago. She drove with us and stayed for a week helping us unpack. The apartment had been filled with her personality, laughter, and love. All the sudden it felt so empty once she was gone. I remember Scott looking at me wail with confusion on his face. He then suggested we just get out of the apartment for a while.

Yet, change is on the horizon again. My co-worker, Alyssa,  is moving to Missouri. And although, I have only known her since September, I have gotten attached and am sad to see her go.  Our classroom is not going to feel the same without her.

I just finished my first teaching class and although I thought I would be rejoicing, I am a little sad. In such a short time, I got attached to my classmates and teacher and now it has all come to an end. Sure there will be other classes, but not with the exact same people, environment and bond.

Maybe I'm a weirdo. Maybe this is a woman thing? Maybe it's an Ashley thing. My husband thinks I am crazy.  Maybe I just get attached to people quickly. I don't know...

What I do know is that "change is the only consistent." It is part of life, so I guess I have to deal with it. I know that change produces growth, but sometimes I want to hold on to things just the way they are.

A Heavy Heart.

Yesterday Scott received a call asking if we could adopt the three kids that lived with us this time last year. Sharon (the mom) officially loses all rights to them next week. She doesn't want them separated or in foster care and desires for them to be with us. Initially, my hearts screams yes! I want to provide these children with a stable home where they never doubt for a second that they are loved deeply. I want them to know that they are precious, valued, and incredible kids. I want to introduce them to the One who created them, loves them infinitely, and desires a relationship with them. Yet, Scott & I can't provide this home for them.

And that is why my heart is heavy.

At this point, we do not have the wisdom, financial means, or the ability to raise three children. But most importantly we do not feel that God has not called us to adopt these children. He has called us to Chicago. And what I really need to understand is that God loves these children more than Scott and I could ever fathom and that He is in control. He has a purpose and plan for them beyond what our finite minds can understand. I have to trust Him in this situation. I surrender that His plans and ways are much greater than mine.

Yet, I know that it wasn't chance that Scott happened to almost run over this family while driving to church one Sunday. The Lord placed these children in our home for a purpose and I believe that purpose is still being seen through. We are to be warriors in prayer for these kids. We are to be a constant source of love and support. If they ever doubt being loved, they should always be able to think of us and be certain of our love.Though we are a long distance away, I have felt convicted to shower these children with our love in whatever means that may be, cards, phone calls, visits when we are home. The Lord has a purpose for our encounter and He has reminded me that purpose is not over yet.

The two boys are in a good foster home, but will probably never be adopted. Tameka is in another foster home and we are not sure about adoption. Our prayer is that they will be adopted into the Kingdom of Heaven to a perfect Father.

"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together."

Romans 8:14-17 

"Sacred Marriage"

Lately the Lord has been teaching me what it means to "die to oneself" in the context of relationships. I have just finished reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas and highly recommend it to any married or engaged couple. The tagline of this book reads, "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" While marriage is a very fun, joyous, wonderful union, it has its ups and downs like any intimate relationship. Marriage is a perfect place to grow in character to become more Christ-like.

I have learned more about myself in the year and a half I have been married than maybe my whole life. I have learned what my true character qualities are. I used to think of myself as a patient person but realized I was patient only when it was easy. There have been many discoveries Scott and I have both had because living with someone day after day at times tests your character. Yet, Thomas challenges readers to use these discoveries to die to ourselves and become more like Jesus Christ, serving and loving our spouse more than ourselves. Regardless of our spouses' actions, words, or certain annoying habits, we can grow in our character and relationship with Christ. Thomas even shares stories implying the more difficult the spouse, the greater the growth in your own life. 

Through marriage I have experienced a tangible piece of the love of God. There have been times when I have wronged Scott and have been extended the hand of grace. I have better understood God's faithfulness by Scott pledging to stay by my side no matter what our future holds. Thomas believes that our marriages is a testimony to the world of God's story of reconciliation between Him and sinful man. I know that I have experienced God at a deeper level through this journey and my prayer is that others would see God's love and grace through Scott and I as one.

Thomas ends the book in a challenge for couples who follow Christ to become what he calls a "couple-saint" "No longer defining their relationship to God in solitary terms, but working together to present themselves as a holy unit, a pair of cherubim in the middle of whom God's presence is radically enlivened." What a beautiful picture of love. It is not some magical feeling 24/7 (though feelings are there also) but a decision to love one's spouse through easy and difficult times, pledging to never leave, always to reconcile and most importantly help each other on the journey to grow in Christ. Christ's definition and expectations of marriage are not always easy, but with the help of His Spirit it creates the most beautiful, heavenly, and fruitful union. Thank you Lord for marriage.

Also check out the video I posted below. I first heard it while I was reading Sacred Marriage. :)

"Blessed"

Ladies, be jealous.

Venable, stay humble. :)

Since our recent move Scott and I have had a bit of a role reversal. I am now working full time and Scott has a more fluid, flexible schedule. Let me just say that my husband is incredible. He has completely stepped up to the plate in every way. I have been so thankful to come home to dinner ready EVERY night and a clean house EVERY Friday. His servant's heart has been revealed to me on a deeper level which has been very encouraging and challenging.

As followers of Christ our lives are to be marked by selfless love and service to others. "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45) Yet many times I am guilty of getting so consumed with myself that I do not open my eyes to the needs of others. I am guilty of serving when it is convenient and easy and not so much when it involves sacrifice.

Our flesh and society tell us to gain for ourselves, do what makes us feel good and what makes us comfortable because that will bring happiness and satisfaction. Yet this view is in opposition to Jesus' life and teachings. Although Jesus had every right to come to this earth to be served, worshipped, and exalted he served selflessly to the point of death on the cross. He modeled humility and submission to God perfectly.

"When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." (John 13:12-17)


In spite of how the world defines "blessed", true blessedness comes from a life of submission to Christ and service to others. It opposes the value system of our culture and society. It requires letting God rid of us of our pride, laziness, and comfort. Though this is contrary to what we hear in our culture, it is the process that one finds true freedom and satisfaction. Freedom from consumption of self and the sin nature. It allows one to experience the joy and fulfillment that comes with walking with Christ.

So, thank you Scott for revealing to me a glimpse of our Father's heart of selfless love and service. Father, I praise you for coming to serve man to the point of death. Thank you for the redemption and renewal of my soul that was made possible by your sacrifice. Through your spirit alive in me, help me to serve and love others as you do.

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love."

Reckless Thoughts

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not on the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete."

I find that a lot of my offenses to God start in my head and result in actions. Many times my thoughts manifest into pride, selfishness and insecurity. Praise God that he had already forgiven me and loves me despite of my shortcomings, but I do not want to miss out on the blessing of walking closely with him because of my sin. I want to dwell in the Lord's presence, I want His Spirit to reign all over me. I want to meditate on Paul's words to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ so that my heart and actions will be glorifying to my Father.

Desperate Plea

I am anxious.

I know that scripture says not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, present our request to God. This is my attempt.

We have had a relationship with the Johnsons since September and although there has been many stressful and hard times we have grown to love them very much. They have all gone through so much pain and have experienced things God never intended them to be exposed to. My heart aches for them and my deepest desire is for them to be completely healed by my gracious Jesus.

We have had a family view our house two times and they made an appointment to come back Tuesday for another visit. They are really considering buying, but have a few concerns. This has really brought me back to reality. Our house is on the market and it is very likely someone could buy it soon. We have been praying for this and know God has called us to Chicago, but yet my heart hurts.

My heart aches that we will not be here to love on these three precious children that God has placed in our home. I worry that they will live somewhere where the Gospel will not be modeled for them. Where they won't be believed in, loved on, and affirmed. I am so scared that they may grown up making bad choices that could deeply hurt themselves and offend God. I worry that they will repeat the family

cycle that has kept them in bondage for generations instead of breaking it.

Sovereign Father,

You alone know all things. You placed these children into our lives for at time with purpose. You have such a deep love for each of your children that you created in your own image beyond what Scott and I can even imagine. You love them. You suffered beatings, lashings, and death on a cruel cross to be in relationship with Corliss, Morris, and Tameka. You formed them in Sharon's womb. You have a plan for them. When they are gone from us, you will be there. When they stray from you, you will be there. As we leave, Father, bring people into their lives that will continue to love and disciple them. Bring a man for Corliss and especially Morris that will pour into them to show them what a man of God looks like.

Help me in my unbelief to relinquish control to the only one who has and deserves it. Calm my anxiety and fears because at it's core it is lack of trust in you. You are the creator and sustainer of all things, you make mountains move, and perform miracles. You are more than able to bring these three I love into a relationship with you. This does not depend on me, it depends on you. You are the only one big enough. So save them Jesus, reveal yourself Jesus, bring them into your kingdom Holy God. I beg you dear Father!

"If I then, the Lord washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet."

For the past two weeks Scott and I have had three children living with us. Two boys ages 14 & 12, and one girl age 9. We met the family this past summer as they waved Scott down to ask him for a ride. The rest is history from there. We have been investing in them as we know the Spirit has directly placed them in our lives for this very purpose. The mother had a CPS case against her and failed a drug test so the children has to immediately be placed out of her care. We are considered the "safety place" for the children until they have found a more suitable home since we could be leaving at any moment to plant a church in Chicago. We will at least care for them until February 22.

The children have very sweet hearts and God's mighty hand has protected them and given them an innocence that I didn't expect to see considering everything they have been through in their short lifetimes. We have grown to love them as Christ has called us to view them as His children, and to see them through His eyes.

At the same time, they have not been raised to be thankful or respectful. This has taught me a lot about myself. See, Scott and I have made tremendous sacrifices to open up our home. It has completely changed the way we lived as a newlywed couple able to do what we please, to being responsible for taking care of three kids. I thought they would respect and be thankful to us for what we have done.

I thought wrong.

I have never been so deliberately disrespected as I have by the youngest girl in my life. I have never heard someone scream or hit their mother as she has done. I have never poured out so much to serve someone as I have for them and not been appreciated or thanked.

And I was upset.

I would think..they are so ungrateful! Do they not understand what Scott and I have gone through to make it possible for them to be here? Do they realize our whole life has changed? Do they understand how hard this is?

One day I got out a Bible that Scott had given me when I graduated that I haven't used in a couple of years. I opened to the very front page and I had written a quote that I had absolutely no recollection of. It read,

"You will know whether you are a servant by how you respond when you are treated like one."

Ouch.

The truth is pride was keeping me from experiencing the blessing of love and service as Christ did on this Earth. It was keeping me from receiving the fullness and fulfillment of life as a Christ follower. I wanted my sacrifice and hard work to be recognized, appreciated and understood. When I was treated like a servant I responded with indignation.

Christ is our perfect example of humility. He is ruler of all things, creator of all things and sustainer of all things. Yet, He left Heaven and put on this dirty limited flesh to reveal to us the heart of God. He was born just like the rest of us, walked this earth, washed his disciple's feet, and died the most gruesome and embarrassing way possible. His Godhood was challenged. Yet Jesus never lost sight, He knew his purpose

"Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come fourth from God and was going back to God." John 13:3

My purpose is not to be recognized on this Earth. It is not to be thanked or appreciated. The Lord has called me to be His child by his grace, I now belong to an eternal kingdom. How arrogant of me to think I deserve anything when I see how my Jesus lived on this Earth.

Father,

Forgive me. For I have let my flesh get the best of me. Rid me of flesh, create in me a heart that is of you. I can not do this on my own, but only through your power can I love as you have loved.