Books

One of my goals for 2010 is to read at least 14 books. This is what I have read so far...

1.So Long Insecurity

2.The Road

3.Little Bee

4.The Shack

5.Forgotten God
6. Sacred Marriage

Desperate Plea

I am anxious.

I know that scripture says not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, present our request to God. This is my attempt.

We have had a relationship with the Johnsons since September and although there has been many stressful and hard times we have grown to love them very much. They have all gone through so much pain and have experienced things God never intended them to be exposed to. My heart aches for them and my deepest desire is for them to be completely healed by my gracious Jesus.

We have had a family view our house two times and they made an appointment to come back Tuesday for another visit. They are really considering buying, but have a few concerns. This has really brought me back to reality. Our house is on the market and it is very likely someone could buy it soon. We have been praying for this and know God has called us to Chicago, but yet my heart hurts.

My heart aches that we will not be here to love on these three precious children that God has placed in our home. I worry that they will live somewhere where the Gospel will not be modeled for them. Where they won't be believed in, loved on, and affirmed. I am so scared that they may grown up making bad choices that could deeply hurt themselves and offend God. I worry that they will repeat the family

cycle that has kept them in bondage for generations instead of breaking it.

Sovereign Father,

You alone know all things. You placed these children into our lives for at time with purpose. You have such a deep love for each of your children that you created in your own image beyond what Scott and I can even imagine. You love them. You suffered beatings, lashings, and death on a cruel cross to be in relationship with Corliss, Morris, and Tameka. You formed them in Sharon's womb. You have a plan for them. When they are gone from us, you will be there. When they stray from you, you will be there. As we leave, Father, bring people into their lives that will continue to love and disciple them. Bring a man for Corliss and especially Morris that will pour into them to show them what a man of God looks like.

Help me in my unbelief to relinquish control to the only one who has and deserves it. Calm my anxiety and fears because at it's core it is lack of trust in you. You are the creator and sustainer of all things, you make mountains move, and perform miracles. You are more than able to bring these three I love into a relationship with you. This does not depend on me, it depends on you. You are the only one big enough. So save them Jesus, reveal yourself Jesus, bring them into your kingdom Holy God. I beg you dear Father!

"If I then, the Lord washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet."

For the past two weeks Scott and I have had three children living with us. Two boys ages 14 & 12, and one girl age 9. We met the family this past summer as they waved Scott down to ask him for a ride. The rest is history from there. We have been investing in them as we know the Spirit has directly placed them in our lives for this very purpose. The mother had a CPS case against her and failed a drug test so the children has to immediately be placed out of her care. We are considered the "safety place" for the children until they have found a more suitable home since we could be leaving at any moment to plant a church in Chicago. We will at least care for them until February 22.

The children have very sweet hearts and God's mighty hand has protected them and given them an innocence that I didn't expect to see considering everything they have been through in their short lifetimes. We have grown to love them as Christ has called us to view them as His children, and to see them through His eyes.

At the same time, they have not been raised to be thankful or respectful. This has taught me a lot about myself. See, Scott and I have made tremendous sacrifices to open up our home. It has completely changed the way we lived as a newlywed couple able to do what we please, to being responsible for taking care of three kids. I thought they would respect and be thankful to us for what we have done.

I thought wrong.

I have never been so deliberately disrespected as I have by the youngest girl in my life. I have never heard someone scream or hit their mother as she has done. I have never poured out so much to serve someone as I have for them and not been appreciated or thanked.

And I was upset.

I would think..they are so ungrateful! Do they not understand what Scott and I have gone through to make it possible for them to be here? Do they realize our whole life has changed? Do they understand how hard this is?

One day I got out a Bible that Scott had given me when I graduated that I haven't used in a couple of years. I opened to the very front page and I had written a quote that I had absolutely no recollection of. It read,

"You will know whether you are a servant by how you respond when you are treated like one."

Ouch.

The truth is pride was keeping me from experiencing the blessing of love and service as Christ did on this Earth. It was keeping me from receiving the fullness and fulfillment of life as a Christ follower. I wanted my sacrifice and hard work to be recognized, appreciated and understood. When I was treated like a servant I responded with indignation.

Christ is our perfect example of humility. He is ruler of all things, creator of all things and sustainer of all things. Yet, He left Heaven and put on this dirty limited flesh to reveal to us the heart of God. He was born just like the rest of us, walked this earth, washed his disciple's feet, and died the most gruesome and embarrassing way possible. His Godhood was challenged. Yet Jesus never lost sight, He knew his purpose

"Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come fourth from God and was going back to God." John 13:3

My purpose is not to be recognized on this Earth. It is not to be thanked or appreciated. The Lord has called me to be His child by his grace, I now belong to an eternal kingdom. How arrogant of me to think I deserve anything when I see how my Jesus lived on this Earth.

Father,

Forgive me. For I have let my flesh get the best of me. Rid me of flesh, create in me a heart that is of you. I can not do this on my own, but only through your power can I love as you have loved.