Lately the Lord has been teaching me what it means to "die to oneself" in the context of relationships. I have just finished reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas and highly recommend it to any married or engaged couple. The tagline of this book reads, "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" While marriage is a very fun, joyous, wonderful union, it has its ups and downs like any intimate relationship. Marriage is a perfect place to grow in character to become more Christ-like.
I have learned more about myself in the year and a half I have been married than maybe my whole life. I have learned what my true character qualities are. I used to think of myself as a patient person but realized I was patient only when it was easy. There have been many discoveries Scott and I have both had because living with someone day after day at times tests your character. Yet, Thomas challenges readers to use these discoveries to die to ourselves and become more like Jesus Christ, serving and loving our spouse more than ourselves. Regardless of our spouses' actions, words, or certain annoying habits, we can grow in our character and relationship with Christ. Thomas even shares stories implying the more difficult the spouse, the greater the growth in your own life.
Through marriage I have experienced a tangible piece of the love of God. There have been times when I have wronged Scott and have been extended the hand of grace. I have better understood God's faithfulness by Scott pledging to stay by my side no matter what our future holds. Thomas believes that our marriages is a testimony to the world of God's story of reconciliation between Him and sinful man. I know that I have experienced God at a deeper level through this journey and my prayer is that others would see God's love and grace through Scott and I as one.
Thomas ends the book in a challenge for couples who follow Christ to become what he calls a "couple-saint" "No longer defining their relationship to God in solitary terms, but working together to present themselves as a holy unit, a pair of cherubim in the middle of whom God's presence is radically enlivened." What a beautiful picture of love. It is not some magical feeling 24/7 (though feelings are there also) but a decision to love one's spouse through easy and difficult times, pledging to never leave, always to reconcile and most importantly help each other on the journey to grow in Christ. Christ's definition and expectations of marriage are not always easy, but with the help of His Spirit it creates the most beautiful, heavenly, and fruitful union. Thank you Lord for marriage.
Also check out the video I posted below. I first heard it while I was reading Sacred Marriage. :)
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